Yes, I need to cool it for awhile. This relationship confuses me and I feel ambivalence and I know that isn't good news. I also know that I don't feel right about myself in it.

I have a history of living a solitary life (I'm in my 40's). I've always been very introverted and on the side lines socially. I'm more confortable than most with being alone but I let it become extreme. I've had spotty employment for the past 5 years and ended up on disability (recently off, yea!!!). I've gone weeks without speaking to anyone and having my only interaction with another human be the checker at the grocery store. The isolation warped my mind. I've read about what happens to people in solitary confinement and these were the sort of things that happened for me. I fear being alone now when I never feared it in the past. But things are different now, I'm stronger. When that severe isolation took place and I ended up on disability I was in constant physical pain but now my pain is well managed, a huge relief. I need to remember that.

Still, I agree with you seeker1950, I think it's best my energy is directed at other social outlets. I like the little I have through volunteering and the limited work I do but the work involves little interaction with others. I'm working on moving to a place where I can have a dog!!! I'm very excited about this because I think I do need to focus on someone that is not me and have a responsibility I really care about in life. Also, I'm looking into other volunteer work that may be more social.

I so appreciate these forums. Talking to you guys has really helped me feel like I'm getting back on track. The support, ideas, sharing and encourgement mean a lot to me