I can understand that. When I was younger I'd see schizophrenic street people yelling or doing whatever very obvious mentally ill thing & I'd wish I had a more apparent type of mental illness so I wouldn't feel so isolated and misunderstood. At this point in my life (52) I've been through so much...so much mental health treatment, so many, many losses, so much really hard life stuff...I'm very glad to just be here and when I have a pleasant day and I can sleep well at night it's like...the best thing I can imagine.

All in all, I wouldn't worry...let yourself fantasize a bit...you're not hurting anyone