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Posting here is different it seems for me. I can be more open here because it's completely anonymous. I feel like I'm not being judged so I can say basically whatever I want (considering I'm a person that conceals everything)
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How does it feel inside to speak here?
The freedom to speak without being dismissed or judged is what one can find with a therapist as well. I wonder if you could speak to a therapist regularly, maybe at college.
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Maybe I'm used to the loneliness and find comfort in it idk.
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Well yes, the loneliness and distance is what you have always known, so I suspect that closeness, intimacy with someone would feel alien and disorienting. Yet:
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I want friends but it seems like I just can't be close to anybody.
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What do you mean by
closeness? What would it be like for you to feel connected with someone?
Maybe you could know or explore closeness with some other people if you could do it safely, without fear of being judged or treated as a disappointment.
Take posting here for example. You took the risk of telling us that you are pessimistic inside, and no one judged you here for saying that. How does not being judged feel inside for you?
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I feel like I'm not being judged so I can say basically whatever I want (considering I'm a person that conceals everything).
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What would you want to say--keeping in mind that people do not judge you here?