Kerry,
Do you have a T?
Yes, I've had thaughts of suicide because of regret. Today most times it's a fleeting thaught and not very often. It use to be continual thaught even with meds (AD) was taking at the time. Once I started dealing with the guilt and shame in counseling it got better. Thing is not only was I dealing with guilt that I needed to own but also with guilt and shame that was not mine to own which then I ended up dealing with anger then yuk. The word shame I don't even think qualifies as a word atleast not a meaningfull one. Regret is more of a positive word even though it doesn't feel good it is something that helps me to take a look at what I've done or doing so I can begin to change what ever it is. Shame just always keeps me a victim, never good enough, perfectionist and the list goes on. You know what I learned? EVERYONE IS HUMAN AND MAKES MISTAKES Yes really! The first time when I not only heard those words but began to see the reallity of them as truth I was blown away and it still amazes me. I can still fall into the shame thing and even that's braught on more shame "After all I "SHOULD" be past that" (no expectations here) LOL!!! I just have to laugh at myself some times.
First words I was taught to get rid of is the should and the shouldnts. Those are very shame based words. I was/am amazed how often I've used those words expecially before I practiced not saying or using them. It's better today, I use them less and catch my self more.
Sorry getting a bit windy here.
Just want you to know that you are not alone. Hang in there and keep posting. I'm just getting more comfortable posting. Glad your here.
mlyn