One of my best friends through high school has since been diagnosed with bipolar, BPD and some other things I think. And the things I'm about to describe were her decisions, not because of any diagnosis but the diagnoses helped her cause the problems. It took a long time to come to terms with knowing that she wasn't accidentally causing the constant turmoil--the drunk phone calls late at night during finals while I was in college, the pregnancy scares combined with the "I'll never drink again", the "my parents are molesting my daughter" which ended with me having to file a police report that I now doubt was anything but a manipulation. One summer she was supposedly doing AA and I agreed to babysit so she could go to a meeting. She didn't get home until really late and I was getting worried. Very late at night I got a call that she'd been drinking druk and had an accident and please did I know where her kids where. When I said I had them the woman cried; the car seats weren't attached and had flown out of the car and they'd been looking for bodies. So that was the summer of no driving for her and I somehow was just sympathetic to what happened. Then there was "my husband is abusing me" so from 2 states away I helped her find and get into a shelter. She didn't take her kids which confused me right up until 2 days later when she disappeared from the shelter. Then I had police calling me and her parents yelling at me for "hiding her" when I knew nothing. She was gone for about 8 months and then just popped back up and started calling me at 3 AM. Repeatedly. I ended the relationship the first time then but it took about 4 more tries to finally be free of that. Years of my life spent trying to get out of this. And even after that she pretty much stalked me on facebook until I had to report her, even contacting my friends who she sort of knew and telling them to tell me to get hold of her. She "needed me". I decided she was fine without me especialy since I was a mess myself at the time. Instead as soon as I had facebook I contacted her ex-husband and apologized for believing her so many times.

I have both encouraged and discouraged and I just want you to know that is because I've seen different sides of this issue and it can seem like there are endless sides. And that's without even knowing her side as Hooligan has pointed out.

It gets really tricky and painful and you will benefit from knowing where you will go and where you will stop in advance. To me for example the addiction would need treatment. But that's just because addiction has hurt me.

For me it was the lack of respect, the things like 3 AM phone calls where I was supposed to be coherent and the bringing me in and out of her children's lives but being offended when I said I didn't want them to know I was talking to her ecause I had no desire to hurt them yet again. They're pretty much grown-up now but when they were small I was in and out as she was in and out and that was bad. It was always needing to be there for her and never the opposite.

You just have to know where your limits are. I've had friends unable to remain friends with me because I reached their limit. One woman had just been through the suicide of a loved one and even though at the time I was doing relatively well she just felt she couldn't handle a friendship where suicide could be part of the mix. That one hurt but I understand; she was already in pain. Another never told me, just was done. I have a suspicion it wasn't about me but a family member of mine. That one confused me but it's life.

You are just in a tricky place.