Hi Tazling. Welcome to Psych Central(PC). I am so sorry you are suffering from shame and regret. Good idea would be to start therapy and see what is lurking in the past that triggered such an emotional response and addictive behavior. I do not blame you for this. Society, education and parents have not found a way to bring up children without grave traumas. If anyone must be assigned blame, I would put it here.

you are fortunate to have a mother that is empathetic. They can see it as an illness. Perhaps a therapist can bring you to a point where that becomes evident.

Besides being an active participant in helping oneself at Psych Cental, many people also help support each other by replying to other people's posts. Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems are more manageable the more they help others.

You need 5 posts or replies to other posts to use the chat room. There are moderated and unmoderated chat options.

Glad you are joining us here. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.