Does the experience of dissocciating scare you? Was the T trying to get you to explore or answer questions that you were not ready for?
My first T was too fast for me but my current T is gentle and patient. If the reason that it was hard for you was because of the T poking you, you might consider finding a more patient and gentle T. Some of us need to develop a relationship before diving into more personal information about ourselves. If it is the first reason, I can't imagine how to respond to that because I have rarely experienced anything like it. I did something might have been a form of it once in session. However, I suspect that it would be scary to do that especially if therapy increases the frequency or degree of it. I hope you will consider trying again. You stated that you have wanted and needed a therapist for quite a while. So, I hope that you try to find a good match for you and your issues whatever they/it may be.