It sounds like you had some terrible experiences with Ts, Pdocs and others. I think most of them do follow the ethical code but not all. I have a family member who was pushed to see sometime of counselor (ultra sad poetry found by someone in dorm) and the counselor reported too much information to the referring person. I felt that the counselor should have kept the follow-up information to a minimum but this T/Pdoc or whatever he/she was didn't.
I had a co-worker who went to a camp and was excited to see a familiar face. This person went over and said something like "I know your family member. I fill his/her drugs at _________ pharmacy." This person was fired. I was shocked because I had never considered that the fact that a person has a prescription is PHI (personal health information) but it is. I have to get my prescriptions at my own pharmacy where I work. To the best of my knowledge, noone has passed my information around.
As for my T talking to others, she is allowed to talk about me to others in the same agency such as my Pdoc, consult with colleagues etc. If she tries to consult with someone outside of the agency, she should do a consent form.
A classmate of mine had to do an interview for a class. He wanted to do a real client. My teacher said "Okey but make sure that you get the proper release of information. Any time that a client is used in a class assignment, a form must be filled out." My classmate changed his mind. I am not surprised. A co-worker of mine is starting an AODA group and asked her where. She told me and I said good that is not where my practicum is. I didn't want to put my ability to keep my mouth shut to the test that quickly. I would also say that it helps a person keep a confidence if he/she does not have any relationship with the person outside of the office. I didn't want to get into any kind of relationship with my co-worker that could be anything like a therepeutic one for this reason.
My T and teachers do reference real clients however they don't describe age, appearance or anything like that. I will do the same when I start working as an addiction counselor.
As for marriage information, that is probably public information. I know that someone can look someone up for a criminal history on-line. As for herpes, I suspect that if the person is a sexual partner, then she might need to be notified in order to protect herself.
Also, my doctor's nurse has an annoying tendency to get it mixed up. She called me once about an Effexor prescription. Fortunately, she only said a first name however, I hope that she will be more careful in the future. If a person lives with someone or shares insurance, it might be harder to keep secrets. I mean if someone lived with me and opened my mail, he/she would see mail about therapy.