I tend to get very physically dependent on medications and withdrawals are always really hard for me. (Like this seroquel withdrawal. I mean, I was only on it for five months! I've been on benzos now for three years. It's going to be brutal.)

I've been so up and down!

I cried the other day because I was too pathetic and anxious and scared to take my daughter to her music class. And the other day we were sitting outside (she likes drawing with her sidewalk chalk), and there was this sketchy man across the street, and all of a sudden I got terrified that he was going to hurt us or something and had to go inside immediately. And tonight after my daughter went to bed I was just sitting on the couch, looked up and saw my reflection in the TV screen, and I looked like one of those shadow people I see sometimes, and than my reflection kind of started moving back and forth (without me moving at all because I was too terrified!).

I was looking over my mood chart (I've been tracking), and I've been all over the place. Silly and up feeling, depressed and crying (mostly it's been depressed and crying. I mean, I cry almost every day. Sad. Yeah). I have so not been stable at all. And still stupid suicidal thoughts.

And I've started becoming obsessed again with the whole positive energy thing, which isn't a good sign. I'd rather not have a repeat of my last episode. I guess at least I can see the signs now. I went psychotic so fast last time.

Sigh.