(((migs))) I've missed you I was wondering when you were going to start a thread

When I feel this way I call it "numb" - it's usually a stage where I kind of don't feel emotions ... just ... nothing. For me, it's my bodies way of blocking out feeling too much - if you reach a stage where it's beyond painful to feel what you feel something just shuts the "feeling mechanism" down. Well, this is how I describe it for me. It's the only way it makes sense when I'm trying to understand something confusing.

I get you're not depressed.

You may have been, some stage back.

But when you reach this "nothing feeling", yes, to me it makes perfect sense in your frame of mind not to bath, it really does. I'd be thinking: "Why bother? What for?" Because if you're feeling nothingness then who are you impressing by bathing? It's not like the president is coming over ... <- that's my rationale if I can't be bothered taking a shower for the day when I get to where you're at

Your zoning out I think is correlated to trying to numb yourself from feeling anything. Shuts it off. Closes the curtains. Blocks the world out. It's not really there.

I think you do have a personality (even if you say you don't) = I've seen you be vivacious and passionate not only about your family, but members on this forum through what you have posted in the past. Sure, maybe not today. And you know what?
That's okay. You're allowed a "mental health" break for yourself sometimes.

Like taking a step back.

Because you're very invested in your son's wellbeing, and you have been for a long time. And you still are. You just need a "me zone" for a day or two. Time to reflect on just you.

We all desire happiness. Sometimes it can seem like an illusion. Something we will never achieve. The reality is, we do. We slowly crawl out of our hole be it depression / zoning out / flat / empty .... we get there, eventually .... but it can seem like an eternity if you're not there at a given point in time. I believe you will achieve this too. And I'm sorry if you don't feel this way today. This happens.

You won't be a robot forever.

Maybe today.

But who knows about tomorrow.

Do you have some good motivational videos?

There are heaps on YouTube.

I'd recommend trying by watching just one (because you might be sceptical).

If you type in "Motivational Video" on a YouTube search - heaps will come up.

I'd recommend picking one that has over 1M views, that way you know it's probably one of the better ones - those are the type that I watch.

If it made you feel slightly better after you watched it, just a slight sliver of hope, I'd recommend you try a few of these per day.

You mind is fragile.

It's healing itself from all of the turmoil it's been through.

It's taking an emotional break.

You can start to heal it again, slowly, step by step, every day.

I know you can do this. I believe in you.