I'm sorry that you feel confused.
There are many things that confuse me about myself, trying to wrap my head around bipolar.
Some of the things I do / say - well it can seem somewhat confusing if I sit back and reflect.
You are right.
Being stable is relief.
Ignorance can sometimes feel like bliss but reality will always be around the corner and we will see reality soon.
Sometimes reality does seem like an illusion.
You may not have much clarity today.
Some days are just like this. It can feel clouded.
It doesn't last forever, usually.
I wish for you to understand what's going on right now