I emailed my T this morning. I told her I wanted to open my package Wednesday morning. I told her I want to open it alone and experience my feelings and then share those feelings with my fiance. I made a point that we're not at a comfortable place yet to hug, so I want to get hugs from my fiance. Then I would process it with her.

I gave her another option: she change how she reacts to me when I'm crying. I told her I want her to sit closer, speak in a quiet voice, to offer tissue, and to better express care and support via facial expressions and posture.

But I warned her that something might go wrong if I open it in front of her. What if she doesn't act in a way I percieve as caring? It could really affect the relationship. Or what if she can't handle my raw emotions? And then I compared this all to an intimate moment that I don't want to share with someone I don't trust.

I know a lot of you think I should just open it. I don't know why, but I try to please others too often. I wish, in this instance, I could resist it and just do what I want.