I remember you telling us about your episode last month - pretty horrific and intense. I think that there are some parts, with regards to what happened with the police, you will still need to process emotionally, if this makes sense - because that was a pretty traumatic encounter, truly it was.

I think that a diagnosis of Bipolar does explain some of what we do - well for me anyway - because I can think back to times when I've been manic or depressed and I reflect on my behaviours and I'm like Yikes! I did WHAT! I guess there are some symptoms that we will share in common, how these symptoms manifest themselves will be different for each of us as we are all individuals, coupled with the fact that our environmental factors will be different too. So we've all got "stories" of sorts to tell; just putting this out there; so that you know that you are not alone. And also to assure you that you are free to discuss issues with us here; as whilst our own personal stories / experiences might have a slightly different spin; we can relate to the feeling of being depressed; or a feeling of been manic; or an experience of going IP (if we've been there) etc.

I'm glad that you go through long periods of not being manic. That's good and probably helps to bring some sort of stability with your relationship with your husband; 17 years is a long time.

Hypomania can make us very successful in careers. It can drive us; motivate us; we feel good; we get ambitious, we want to achieve (this is on a hypomanic level - if I was referencing mania - well for a lot of bipolar people that can be disasterous career wise).

I can understand how the DWI would devastate you, because honestly that's the last thing that I would want to have happen to me. It's really unfortunate that the AA is not the same since you've moved, honestly it is. Sometimes we do get humbled when we finally have consequences to our actions, and I'm certainly not meaning this in any derogatory manner at all. I reflect on myself again, when I've done things that were high risk without thinking too much about the consequences - when I've suddenly got the slap in the face, metaphorically speaking - I've been like huh! What was I even thinking! How could I not forsee that happening ... Well I guess that's why they say hindsight is the better view ... I hate it ... it sucks.

I do believe that your husband really does love you when he says that he loves you.

I also believe that he has been hurt.

Why?

Because when he married you, he married you for better or worse.

Which means that he will likely stick by your side, I'm sure. But he only wants what is best for you. He doesn't want to see you tasered by police. He doesn't want to see you drinking. He doesn't want you to have a DWI. He doesn't want any of that. He wants you to be living a life where you are happy, healthy and productive. And you've done it before. You were very successful in your career. With the right treatment / support you have shown before that you can and do achieve and your mental health can be stable for periods of time.

So maybe for him right now it's frustration. Frustrating for him that he had to watch your downwards spiral.

So now it's time for him to support you, as you climb from the bottom back up to the middle ground. And sure, I think that sometimes maybe he might say things that upset you, and could be out of line.

But it all stems back to one factor: he loves you and he wants what is best for you in the long run and he wants you to be well.

Oh I love Enya. Not corny at all.

You were reminiscing over a time when things were a lot smoother in your relationship.

Yes, totally I understand why you went to bed crying.

The comment was hurtful.

The best advice I can give you is this.

When I've hit rock bottom (and I have, many times in my life) - the only way I start to climb out of it, slowly, is to ask myself, what can I do better. I've made bad choices. Some of which have caused me to hit rock bottom. Are there some things that I can start changing today, small things, and eventually increase / improve upon them as each day goes by. Take more care of my appearance? Cook dinner for my family? Go to therapy more regularly? Something that will show my husband that I am determined to get better, not only for myself, but because I recognise that things within me do need to change and I can begin changing them, one step at a time. No, maybe things will never be "perfect" with my husband and I - this is not a perfect world after all. But through time wounds can heal.

I hope some of what I have said might be useful for you.

Keep posting here to let us know how you are getting along.

It's not easy; but the path to your recovery can start today; by simply asking yourself; what is one small thing I can do tomorrow; that I didn't do today?