Hi all. My name is Tess. I'm in my late 20's, single, and have a son who's going into 2nd grade. I just decided to join this forum because I had my first full-blown manic episode recently and needed to connect with others who have had this experience, as it's something I don't think non-bipolars can ever understand.

I've been diagnosed with Bipolar II for 5 years. I cycle pretty rapidly, tending to be by default severely depressed and then having 1-2 hypomanic episodes at certain times of year. During hypomania typically I spend too much, but not enough to put me out of house and home (yet! ), flirt inappropriately, talk a LOT and fast (so fast that I trip over my words and no one can follow me!) and exercise a lot. So nothing that's ever troubled me a lot. My depression's always been the real killer, debilitating me for months at a time when I can't get off the couch and just sit and sob all day, or self-medicate a lot.

In addition to bipolar, I am diagnosed Autistic, and also have PTSD from sexual abuse as a child and physical, verbal and emotional abuse in adult relationships. So as you can see I have quite the cocktail to work with, haha.

I've been in therapy and on Rx drugs since I was 13. Tried almost all the antidepressants on the market to no avail.

Everything changed for me a little while back while my son was away with his dad and my friend/roommate was also out of town. I'd been hypomanic for a few days and then the trouble started, though it certainly didn't feel like trouble at the time. I started hearing voices from the stars telling me that I was the chosen one to lead humanity through science toward its interplanetary future, and that science articles all contained coded messages for me. I was in ecstasy and of course I had to share my wisdom! So I alienated all but a very few of my friends and family by bombarding them with grandiose, nonsensical "instructions" on how they should be advancing science and their consciousness.

Typically for me when the mania finally subsided, having basically ruined my life, I went straight out the other side into the blackest of depressions and all I could think about was death and destruction, all I could feel was self-loathing. I started to believe that the police knew about me and were coming to take me away to the psych ward... product I suppose of previous very traumatic experiences in hospitals.

So that's been my last couple of months. Naturally when I told my psychiatrist (feeling of course like a complete fool ) what had happened, she immediately switched my diagnosis from Bipolar II to I and put me on an antipsychotic.

Whew boy... this is a long post, and I only meant to introduce myself! Anyway... I hope to meet others who can understand my experience here. Thanks in advance for any replies!