(((((Wants)))))

I'm not entirely sure either.... This could be wrong, but are you scared or anxious about going for any particular reason? Like is there someone there that rubs you up the wrong way, or asks you uncomfortable questions or something like that?

It could be the depression... it tends to isolate people and make them feel like they don't deserve to have friends at all... was there any of that going on?

If you regret the choice you made could you arrange to see some or all of the people later on, maybe in a more neutral relaxed environment like a cafe or something?