I'm just sitting here thinking this evening, thoughts kinda wandering around a bit, thinking about my therapy and about t and about all the changes I've made in me with her help. And I felt like sharing again, so here goes:

It occurs to me one of the biggies for me in therapy, is that t really saw ME, and I am not used to someone really seeing ME and accepting me for that. And I got to thinking about why that meant so much to me.

All my life I have hated having people looking at me. And I think I just figured out why. I think it is because I could never be sure what exactly they were seeing, since I never could allow myself to just BE myself, I don't know what in the heck I was showing. But with t, I let myself just be. And I started learning how to be myself with other people, too. And as I began actually doing that more and more, being my real self with people, that's when I really started letting people in, accepting that people love me, that I am worthy of having friends and a "real life". AND I was able to even invite people to look at me in a way - by challenging myself to do the presentations at work that I've done recently.

I told t back in May when we got together, that I would be continuing to do my inner work, that it's part of me now, and I meant it. And I'm proud of me for honoring that commitment to myself even when it's not in anticipation of speaking with her anymore.

Thank you for being here, fellow PC'ers.