I have not read through all the responses yet, but I can totally relate to feeling fundamentally flawed. I often feel like that black ooze in the TNG episode that contaminated everyone it touched...
I recently came to a realization though; I have never associated being loved or lovable with safety. I need and want those closest to me to hate me because I don't want to believe they would hurt me. Much of my abuse was done in the name of "love". I was exhaulted and praised while others were put down. Then I was told I was loved and the best daughter while some pretty ****** stuff was done to me. To be "loved" and "worthy" meant being hurt...
I'm not sure how to change that belief other than to tackle it in therapy. Maybe being able to say that "hearing I am loved makes me afraid you will hurt me" will help...? I dunno. It's not that everyone that loved me has hurt me, it's just that the most vocal person (the one who said I was valuable and worthy and lovable) was also a person who really hurt me... :/
Changing core beliefs is hard. It takes a complete re-framing and re-structuring of everything we "know" to be "true"...
I've also got a belief down there somewhere that if I were to admit that I am lovable, worthy, & not at fault, someone will die. I know it's an irrational fear, but it's one I've had forever...
How do you change what you've believed all your life?