You're having a hard time dealing with this DWI. The way your husband is acting, it seems that he is too, you know? Maybe it's just part of how he is working through it. Not ideal, for sure, but maybe realizing that (if that is what it is, and I suspect it could well be) can help a little in not taking it quite so personally(?) Because he does say the nice things too. The other could be like any of us do -- have moments where trying to work through something gets the better of us and we say or do regrettable things.
Just a thought.