Stop buying her gifts and taking her to dinner. Under normal circumstances that would be thoughtful but here it breeds disrespect for you. You can't make her like you.
Read up on narcissistic personality disorder. She does indeed see herself (perhaps unconsciously) in competition with you.
Be aware though that people with NPD are suffering. Try to think of her as pathetic rather than evil.
Quote:
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I just got off the phone with my mothers emotions.. I can't deal with you too!"
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This is a big problem if this is what the usual pattern is going to be. If you become or are to be his wife, you need to be first. He cannot be her daily, standard resource for venting and controlling.
If he can't find the courage to establish some boundaries with her, you will be second fiddle to her for the rest of her life. Think seriously about whether that is a dealbreaker for you, and if is, tell him so. Tell him in a kind way that you need for him to free himself from her.