If I were a color, today would be red
Exploding, racing, and tiredless
Fearless of anything, never moving fast enough
I can fly like the eagle, soaring above
------anything that could hurt me
I could do anythng, scared of nothing
Running wild, stopping for not anything
Seeing what others can not see
Feeling free and invincible.

Then from nowhere, I would be blue
Falling
Down
----down
Into a swirl of darkness
Spinning----swirling
----Bang!!!!
So dizzy--I cannot walk
Feeling so heavy
Like walking through muck and mud
Sinking with every step
What is happening?
Who am I?
I look up but I see nothing
Just blackness
Am I sleeping?
Wake up! Help!
I am alone--no one anywhere
But I'm not scared.

It seems I am black
Locked away inside a mind
Eyes staring at nothing
Voices in my head but I'm not scared
Never afraid.

Grey now forming
Fog knida lifting
Feeling worthless, what have I done?
I am not a person, nothing
Going through the motions
Doing just the right things
Watching every word said
Being strong--pretending to live
But I'm not scared.

Seeping through purple
Alone by my choice
It feels safe, I can breath
I can be who I am
I do not have to perform
And no one knows or sees this person
No pressures to be okay
No expectations to meet
When I am this way, I deserve no one
Or rather no one hast to be around me
But I'm not scared.

I withdraw within myself as yellow takes over
Go within, deep, where it makes sense
And no one judges
Where feelings are real
Understanding exist
Me----all of me survives there
No one can stop our feelings
Where it is permitted to feel
Where secrets are safe
And no one has to pretend
Where fear does not exist.

Sometimes it is like a camilion
Confused, fitting into everyone's mold
Trying hard to make no mistakes
Keeping inside so no one knows the craziness
Thinking hard before speaking
To be strong--brown
To be grounded--green
To fit so well, no one knows any different
If you are okay, then people have done thier jobs
Prayers are being answered
You are getting better
To make it through something hard--orange
Bright and strong, not seeing what it really did
Always strong--never afraid.

Mostly now, I am white
Behind a wall that hides me
Do not let anyone close, so you will not fail
No flaws for anyone to see
If a color comes, just paint it white
No one will know
Double coat it twice
Look at no one, say I am fine
They knew you could do it
It just took time
Who can you really trust?
Who really cares unless you are fine?
My brain begins to fade
Come back
Be strong
But I'm not afraid.

Right now, I feel hopelessly adrift
In a sea as dark as coal
Tired of living
Trying hard to get through the night
Staring eyes and thoughtless thoughts
Of nothing, hoping no one knows
Of the prison that is in your mind
There resides thoughts and memories
The secrets and feelings the colors hide
From the world in the light
I look out at the cold dark night
----and yearn for hope
We are simply alive
Sometimes praying aloud
Wondering in our heart
If there is anyone still up in heaven
Who will hear?
Praying tomorrow we will be the right color
Or no color at all
That I will be strong
And okay for others
Silence----
----I'm not afraid.

purplesecrets