Thanks alot for the link Bill! i´m going to try it tonight! maybe i can also use it when i get panic attacks

Maybe i should tell a little more about yesterday. I was in the mall because I had to buy some stuff. every time I go to the mall I´m afraid because I might see her, since she lives pretty close to me.. like 10 minutes away with the car and she goes to that mall often. But i can´t avoid the mall since there is no other mall around, or i have to take the train to a place far away

so i was walking and then i saw her, i looked closer because sometimes I think I see her and then it´s not her. but i saw it was her and my heart dropped, instant panic feelings. started sweating.

I turned around and tried to walk away, praying that she wouldn´t see me. But then she said my name and I almost died. I could not breath. She came to me and hugged me, and for a moment I thought this is not real. It´s a dream. She said that she was so glad to see me, that she was wondering how i´m doing and how good i was looking. I was impressed by myself, that I could still talk normal while my heart was racing and I almost started crying.

But i was completely overwhelmed. She said that she wants to email more often and that she sometimes talk to students in class who have bad grades due laziness. I had bad grades but turned it around the last year and had amazing grades, just because i wanted to make her happy. She says im an example for kids who struggle with their grades. I was so glad to hear that she still think of me.

When i came home i cried, i cried so hard and i was shaking, couldn´t breath. But now i feel really happy that i have seen her, but also sad because now she´s totally in my mind again. And i tried to block her out of my mind sooooo hard sorry if it´s too long and if my english sucks. x