Wants2, I understand what you are going through. Even though I'm not in a depression at the moment, I will sometimes do exactly the same thing. I will look forward to an upcoming event, then when it gets here, I will cop out or will battle with myself about whether or not I will go. It doesn't make sense to me and I don't really understand what or why I'm feeling that way. Maybe for me it's a kind of social anxiety??? I really have no idea *sigh* Wish I could give you some positive feedback other than to say, good for you for trying to analyze the issue. That is taking a step in the right direction. Be patient with yourself and know that you are working toward a resolution, not just hiding it all away.

Hugssssss
J