Current T called me a couple of hours ago because she knew I was very upset about this (which was very, very kind of her and much appreciated), and I thought she was going to say my strong feelings are telling me this is something I need to try out, but I was surprised that she actually thought maybe my strong feelings were telling me this wasn't a good idea and to listen to my gut on that. And she agreed that if I feel destabilized now after a phone consult, it would get way worse if we actually started seeing each other...but T does think I need to work through the mother issues with someone who can handle them and who can be caring, nurturing, warm, etc.

And that's what is so frustrating for me. Caring, nurturing, warmth, etc. both attract me and repel me. I want them so badly and yet I am terrified of them. So I am feeling discouraged about ever being successful with a new T, since I would want to run in the other direction if I felt cared about or nurtured by them.

Not to sound like a broken record, but I don't want to leave my current T. It's too complicated and I am going to miss her so much.