There are different levels of warmth and caring. I, too, would reject someone that's over the top nuturing. But my new T is warm in general. She has a gentle smile and a sweet tone of voice. She's only 2 years older than me, so that helps me avoid the maternal transference.

But I also understand wanting that nuturing. I got a lot of it from other sources growing up (i.e. not from my parents or family). The women who nutured me really helped me with my "mommy issues". I got so much love and care, and finally realized that it wasn't enough to fill that hole. And since, I have avoided mother-figure type relationships because I know it won't make anything better anymore.

But that doesn't mean I don't want to be cared for either. It's a balance.

I do wonder... could you be rejecting this referral T because she is a fit for you? Do you feel like you'll be replacing current T with referral T? Are you scared and if so, why? Maybe you can ask for another phone consult to see again? Maybe talk about boundaries and what you're used to, and what you're worried about. Maybe current T can be there for the consult and help you?

That's one of my issue still with my new T. And I keep wanting her to do things like ex-T did. And then when she does, I miss ex-T and hate new T. It's a difficult cycle, but I'm trying really hard to keep those emotions under control (sort of ).