I cannot handle it when I'm talking to someone and they walk away from me mid conversation. It makes me feel diminished...like I don't matter to the person at all. As soon as I feel devalued, I instantly think of self harm or attempting suicide. For once, I just want to have someone walk away and not have this insane "OMG they don't give a **** about me and I'll never be anything good and they'll never care about so I should kill myself" sort of reaction. At home I find myself throwing things too because I don't know what to do with my upset which turns into anger and leads to that. I cannot handle it. I screamed the threats to my brother saying "it always ends the same way! Someone walks away and I end up in my room wanting to cut myself or attempt suicide!" He had ZERO response. ZERO response!!!! How does that make me feel? Like more ****! Even more like he doesn't care.

I told my mom once that when people walk away this is how I feel and she didn't react either.

WHO THE HELL DOES NOT REACT WHEN THREATS OF SELF-HARM AND SUICIDE ARE BEING MADE?!

All I can remember 4 years ago is when I did attempt, I had made multiple threats beforehand. NOBODY did anything. And then when I did attempt, THE FIRST THING THEY DID was get angry! It was so much anger. My brother told me I was stupid for trying it. Now it's a topic that is pretty much off limits. So idk if they are just ignoring this, but this **** is not fake. I FELL THIS WAY WHEN THIS HAPPENS! They don't get it. They don't care. They just keep walking away or ignoring me. HOW IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MAKE ME FEEL LOVED?!