We have 2 daughters that are very well behaved. But mother is very strict, rigid on schedules and cleans and organizes a lot. The mother will get very authoritarian and bossy even when there is no need or prematurely. Raise her voice, not listen to reason, acts as she is always right, her way or no way. She went thru a period of smacking the girls in the face which was totally uncalled for, and stopped when i got on her about it. Seems to deflect blame onto something else always. Rarely if ever apologizes. Seems to show some preferences over one daughter to other. Always in good mood with new husband, then turn immediately grumpy, demanding and impatient with our daughters over nothing. Girls ask her a question she never gets down their level, only gives short clinical, non emotional answers. The daughters are more comfortable talking to me because I explain and listen to their concerns. The mother is somewhat prudish in ways like grandma 'Walton' or grumpy 'nun'. Sorry that is what it reminds me of. She is very religious and not very social. She has never had close friends. Seems to be anxious alot and depressed at times. Somewhat controlling and emotionally distant detached. Her father was emotionally and verbally abusive, extremely frugal, controlling and argumentive. The mother was emotionally flat and didn't engage much or shallow in emotions. The family has been described as odd or different. Ex wife was never sexually expressive. She had vaginismus but never dx'd with it but it was obvious. But always subtly made me feel like I had the problem, deflect the issue or not deal with it. Emotions seems to scare or frighten her. She would want attention but then not reciprocate. She Absolutely hates me 'her ex husband' and I never abused her in any way. Never cheated her in any way. I was supportive, helped with chores and kids. Not claiming I was perfect either. Nothing ever seems good enough to make her feel appreciated or done in time or right way. There were times not so bad but she was like this a lot. Heard others comment after our marriage odd things about her like some trust issues. I remember after we had a two week honeymoon and we got back home in the evening I wanted to go see my parents 10 minutes away and she didn't like it. They were older and no other family. I could have waited till next morning to go but after a 2 solid weeks together and being on a plane for 8 hours solid I just wanted to get out and away for a hour or so to unwind. The odd thing about it is 15 years later she blew up and said she had never got over me leaving her that night! After all the good times and my showing her I was there for her she remembers that one hour I was gone 15 years later and never mentioned it before. She wanted me to make a piece of furniture for her once and I would go to my dad's shop to make it on weekends for about 4 weeks. I would spend time with her on a Saturday and maybe go over on Sunday after church together. Then she would complain that I was gone and then wanted to know when it would be done. She wasn't overly controlling or demanding but just enough to make me wonder what the deal is with her. If I would call her out she would act like a victim and make me feel guilty. Maybe I am missing something but looking back I was mostly oblivious to this but knew something was off. The reason I am asking this is someone mentioned narrcissistic traits or some borderline traits? This really got me to wondering and curious. Any thoughts?