I am sorry for your loss and especially for your friend. It is always a massive shock when someone you know dies, and more so if in that way. Because of my history of attempts I am always deeply affected so I understand how it must be affecting you. I am glad it is making you feel more like you want to live. That is a very good sign. Still, it must be tough for you and I hope you find comfort and peace in the coming days.
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Bipolar 1 with psychotic features
PTSD
"Phew! For a minute there I lost myself."
'Karma Police' by Radiohead
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