StarsNSky, I am so sorry for the grief you must anticipate with the impending loss of your grandmother. You are obviously stressed by your mother to the point where you appear to be suffering from the resulting stress.

Welcome to Psych Central (PC). I am sorry you are feeling so filled with despair. Psych Central refers people to crisis centers or hotlines that have thoughts of harming themselves or are in danger of doing so.

Here are safety plan explanations and tips so you can devise a plan to prevent self harm. In the UK contact Samaritans | Samaritans
Psych Central - Search results for Safety plan

If you feel that there is a risk of acting on these thoughts call a hotline right away.

If you have a therapist or psych doc, contact them as soon as you can to look at meds.

There are life style changes that can give some relief that I have tried if for any reason the above options are not possible. These are not remedies but things that help me cope like first relief until I can get professional help.

Diet can have an affect on how we feel. I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. A high protein low carb diet with snacks or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings. I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression.

Here is what I use when my head gets over crammed with thoughts. Breathe in a natural way. Silently count one on the inhale and 2 on the exhale. 3 on the inhale and 4 on the exhale. Continue up to 10 then go back to 1. This helps me focus on breathing rather than the wall of thoughts.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.