This is sad. I never drink.

But here I am. Drinking.

I've been so unstable lately. Depressed, paranoid, anxious.

I took ten clonazepam tonight (that would be 10mg) and 4mg lorazepam (even if lorazepam is just pointless. Most pathetic benzo out there). My husband doesn't know. If he did he'd drag my *** to the ER.

I can't stand another day of this. This stupid agitated depression! It's so uncomfortable. And I've been actually tracking my moods lately, and I'm all over the ****ing place! I never would have noticed, unless I was tracking it.

I've only had a beer and a glass of wine. I really hate feeling drunk.

So why am I drinking?

Don't know.

So pathetic.

I'm done now.