You all ever find that with DID (well, our lives get complicated) while some parts are totally floundering, others are out living lives and stuff? It's like I have windows of opportunity for self care bordering on crisis. and when those windows close, they're closed. I take on too much, try for too much, and "fake" ok.
I even wrote some sort of poem for the creativity section, but I can't post it because I was super honest in it and I was hoping to "code" it in ways to make it for public viewing. But I can't. that's the stuff I don't tell providers - because they would lock me up for a month. and I can't. "I don't have time for that".
You know?
I may need it... my two long stays (18 days and 20 days) in a psych hosp several years ago really didn't do all that good. There' only 2 hospitals here I haven't tried (wards, I mean). But they try to put me on all these meds and I get sicker. It's not like the old days (which in some ways is a really good thing!) where you went in for a long time and you did therapy 3 times a week and really worked on your stuff where you were safe (as possible) and got better. Now it's 'patch you up and send to back to your therapist'.

And I can't be 100% honest with any therapist (who is?) because they'd kick me out. I'd be too much for them. Some things I have to just keep to myself. Like being an orphan and being taken in by good people - I NEED them to see my good side, so they keep me.

I had a window of opportunity this week that I thought about going in and, like a boxer in the corner - get mopped up, watered, coached, and thrown back in the ring- this coming Thursday afternoon- next Tuesday when they could ship me off to my psych nurse. But a friend broke her collarbone and needs help. And my (abusive) grandmother may be dying and we're supposed to maybe see her Friday. Huh- maybe that's a reason there's flare up, eh? Duh. Next month is TOTALLY booked; every day I'm scheduled for something; pt, teaching, caring for my mom who will be having surgery.... it's nuts. Self care? yeah right.
I'm rambling...
thanks for the posts - appreciate them