I don't like it much either when someone walks aways from me amidst a conversation
I can get how it makes you feel like you don't matter when people do this. I'm sorry though that it makes you feel like jumping to the extreme of self harm / suicide, that's really not a nice way, to say the least, that this whole thing makes you feel.
Yes, I think that you've got a lot of pent up hurt inside of you that stems from issues that you have possibly not resolved yet, and triggered by when people walk away and you are not finished saying what you want to say, and manifesting itself in you resorting to throwing things out of pure frustration because people are denying you the right to finish saying what you are trying to say in the first place.
I think that your brother possibly was at a loss as to what to say? He doesn't feel your pain and may not have people walk away from him? I think that some words of comfort may have been nice though. Rather than just leave you hanging when you clearly told him that this is leavining you feeling suicidal, because that's a pretty full of statement.
Yeah I don't get how you mother didn't react either.
Honestly I would have thought that she ask you why you feel this way.
It's a shame that people did not listen when you first spoke about this 4 years ago. You could have started to process this pain, then, if they took the time to hear you out. And yes, their non-reply would leave you feeling even more anger because nobody was listening to you.
It might help you to start healing, if you can start figuring out, what is it that you want people to know, that leads you into a full blown rage, where you are screaming suicide and breaking things? This can't feel good for you at all, and that's who I'm concerned about most.
Is it because you think they simply don't get your inner pain?
I'm wondering, if you see a therapist, can they work on strategies with you in expressing your feelings and how hurt you are to your family, in a way that will work, for you, and not leave your mental health hanging by a thread, because you family's reaction, over the last 4 years, have lead to you feeling even more hurt, and I really don't want this for you
You deserve happiness.
You don't deserve for your feelings to be dismissed.
Just know that we do hear your pain here on PsychCentral.
Many of us have at some stage, felt at the end of our rope.