Surviving to me is trying to stay alive and that's it. That's how I feel now. I have no enjoyment and I don't care about anything. I don't do anything "fun" or "social" and I fear for my life a lot because of how I feel. I don't think about the future or really engage with anything. I think "living" involves a lot more interaction with the world, often social but also actively making plans, goals, thinking about the future.

Right now for me even therapy seems really survival-based, talking about safety and self-care like eating and basic cleaning. Before it got so bad I would talk more about things like social anxiety and obsessing.