So fortunately I have a small amount of insight left to see that my behavior lately equals manic mostly of the dysphoric sort. My mind had been moving like a freight train....churning and moving in circles NON STOP. It is so painful. I have been feeling the unstoppable urge to drink...been ranting and raving and yelling, been horribly abusive to my fiance, sleeping less and less. Been having some really strange and bizarre thoughts going on...intrusive thoughts I guess. Just feeling a general hatred toward the world and I think last night I was acting quite strange in public.

I am off of lithium now...just made an appointment to see a new pdoc next tuesday.

How do you keep yourself relatively under control during mania? I'm just going to try to eat and sleep as much as I can I guess and try not to get so angry. Going to take the last of the risperdal I have until it runs out then start on a bottle of geodon. Will try not to drink but when the urge comes I can't control it.