the blame..i had a discussion somewhere where the lector asked:

"why do you think the person who was abused feels blame?"
and i said :
"because they are afraid to admit they were out of control in that sitiation"
she said it was right.
someone said "hey great! how you know"
i could tell him it would be better for me to NEVER know, but i know. from exeprience. like you know.
i am sure you didn`t know you wouol feel the way you feel now! i am sure that this horrible resolt is what you never though could actually be hapening at the moment. no want wants to be a victim. so it really is not your fault.



and your hate is completely natural! of course you will hate and i suppose will never forgive and it`s a healthy thing.
that`s what my T said to me when i told her about that sort of abuse.

pleasy, , stay strong. you don`t need to cut yourslf!
don`t you have ENOUGH %#@&#! to deal with? you don`t deserve cutting after you have been abused.

and i remember i felt like a bad person too.
but you just feel bad..it doesn`t make you a bad person. taking reposibility for particular choices is somehting we need to do , but it`s completely different from saying to yourself "i am to blame" becasue we just do what we think is best, we NEVER KNOW what the resolt will be!"

i feel you. i know how much you want to stop that bad memorie,,,which is too real after you have beed abused.
but i DOES stop gradually to be that way. i think every one who was abused can say it.

sorry you feel like that.