It sounds like you have been hurt and you are protecting yourself from further emotional pain. It is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, you didn't choose to be this way, it was a reaction to something. It is also a part of depression. I'm way old and I've had to learn to detach cleanly from people/situations that were not good for me. Not all losses are bad, in fact sometimes they clear the way for better things to come. Don't be too hard on yourself, You are human and subject to foibles just like the rest of us. As you recover you will find things you like and don't like about yourself.

BTW, recovery can take a long time, a lifetime even, so just hang in there, it can and does get better.