T told me to try and prepare myself to come from a place of strength on Monday when I see my pdoc for perhaps the last (gulp) time. I'm not sure how to do that. But I did get an idea to help me say goodbye and forgive him. I bought him a gift - small mementos as remembrances. It helped me today to do that. I put a note with it explaining what the things meant. They were these little rings of metal you can get at Hallmark with words on them and I told him why I choose the ones I did. I also included a little card with that quote on it about passing this way but once and doing the good you can do now.

T also reminded me that we don't know what's going on in pdoc's life and why these things are happening and he could be going through a difficult time too. That helps me be more forgiving of the fact that he hasn't communicated with me or responded to me at all since I found out.

<font color="#880000">5 more days to endure and then the scary last meeting (Next Monday)</font>