I do not understand why this death has had such an effect on me. I had such a positive outlook yesterday. I thought "look at how hard this has been on everyone; I could never do that; I will never do that." How am I supposed to deal with this? How am I supposed to process this? I don't know what to do except to cry. I don't even know what the **** I should tell my therapist. Despite the closeness we once had, I haven't seen her in at least 10 years. It shouldn't have this effect on me. But, I can only envision the happenings in my head and it makes me incredibly sad. How do you explain that to someone? I will look like an idiot. I just can't fight anymore.

This is the death and situation I am referring to, in case you want to read it:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...r-weekend.html