I've think I've come to the conclusion that I think I've been delusional for a long time. Let me explain what I thought was delusional and maybe you can confirm for me if it actually was? (I always need confirmation, I can't trust my own thoughts.

The main thing that comes to mind is that I believed since I was 12 years old that I was the anti-christ (or would bring about the anti-christ in some way). I knew that logically, that was unlikely and have purposefully separated myself from religion so as to keep those kind of thoughts at bay.

Between 17 and 23, I was believing the opposite - That I was some sort of destined savior that would bring about a utopia if I could only figure out the right path I was supposed to take to create the best outcome (almost like a game - which is funny, I can't ever finish a game because I get caught up in what choices to make; I NEED THE BEST OUTCOME!)

Anyway, lately I'm starting to feel like I'm the anti-christ (or in some way just as bad, or that my baby may be the anti-christ. I know this is totally untrue but I get into dark moments where I question its validity.

I know I'm totally insane, but is this even a part of bipolar? Am I getting worse? Have I been worse all along? I feel so terrified by this revelation and I fear there's probably way more to it, more delusion.. Like delusions about myself, how I am..

I'm always terrified because I don't know who I really am, I feel that anything I think or know is untrustworthy information, that I am delusional about myself and I can't ever get the correct image of myself from other people because it's only fragments and it's way too narcissistic to ask such things.. Sorry, does this post even make sense...?