I'm not so sure that you should have to be suppressing your natural emotions... This was a big thing with the stbx. I had to stuff down my very appropriate anger and sadness to placate him... A respectful partner will respect your emotions.

Just this week I've been learning (re-learning?) how letting myself feel calms my anxiety. I was such an anxious wreck around the stbx because I wasn't allowed to feel.

I wish I could explain it better. I think it's kind of amazing that I can see this, but I'm still so numb. Feeling is new and strange and I'm afraid of looking silly... *looks around sheepishly*