I just went through the first psychotic episode I've had that I would call psychosis a big part of the deal. I've been psychotic many times but it's been little. This time it was big, with scary paranoia, delusions, auditory and visual hallucinations and it went on for months and didn't respond to medication readily as these things have in the past (in the past I've gotten manic, gotten exhausted from not sleeping, had some psychotic symptoms, had my anti-psychotic adjusted and it has worked. This time I had to wait 2 months to see if raising the other one would work and then I started a new, 2nd AP a week ago that is finally helping.

You wrote that you feel like the weirdest person on the planet and I just wanted to say that I related to this strongly. I've been through a huge battle of not trusting the people who treat me to believe that I'm experiencing what I am experiencing and that they would think this is even believable. My mind has been tricking me into thinking that I wasn't really sick and they were humoring me. My therapist addressed that directly and so I feel less worried about him, especially since he went on vacation and pushed me to make one appointment with a substitute therapist and then when I saw her he had asked her to try to get me to come in again for a 2nd visit (I've been seeing him twice a week for a few weeks as the hospital risk was very high.). My new medication is helping and so I'll be back to weekly visits I hope and the fill-in person was pleased (I think she was expecting to hospitalize me or have a high risk of that; I had to agree that I wouldn't fight her about it before my therapist left. I have a long history of battling hospitalization right down to having a pink slip partially filled out before I started yelling the right words about capacity and competency and that I would fight it and so she relented and didn't call the police to take me to the state hospital which was the threat if I didn't stop yelling. That dr wouldn't listen so I yelled.....since I'm not a yeller it is kind of funny looking back but then it wasn't. Almost the only real disagreements my therapist and I have had in 9 years have been over hospitalizations.

Anyway, no, you are not the weirdest person in the world and neither am I. We're just both experiencing some of the difficult aspects of a brutal illness. We'll be fine eventually.