Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
You need to learn how. You'll never figure it out, just sitting around thinking about it. I have a similar tendency to withdraw, and I force myself to engage with people more than I'm really comfortable doing.
The main thing to remember is that you don't know people, until you know them, and that takes time. In the early stages of being around anyone, admit to yourself that you really don't know what they are about deep down inside. Some of the worst creeps can seem likeable and just fine, until you have been dealing with them for awhile. And vice versa. Some people who don't seem very impressive, initially, can wind up showing themselves to be caring and dependable. Plus, once in a while, rotten people do some nice things. And good people, occasionally, aren't at their best. Don't come to big conclusions about people based on a little knowlege about them.
The main thing I've learned is don't think you know someone, until you do. That usually takes longer than we expect it to.
In your case, you know your parents and they treated you pretty bad. That's who they are . . . and they are not likely to change. A person's basic nature forms early in life and, once it forms, it's not likely to change a whole lot.
I read in threads about how people have been badly hurt by someone who was really mean to them, and they're hoping for an apology and for "healing" and a chance to have a good relationship in the future with the person. What a waste of time, IMHO. Time to cut your losses and move on. I'ld say: Be pleasant as you can be to everybody, but trust no one who hasn't given you a solid reason to invest your trust.
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Thanks for responding, Rose. Im not actually judging other people at all. Im judging myself because im insecure. I always try to see the good in people and I forgive easily. The reason I cant develop a connection is because im afraid of their rejection. It's to the point that I wont even leave the house.
It's confusing because my parents are almost completely different people than they were when I was a kid as far as their behavior. But that might just be because they can't tell me what to do anymore so there are less fights. They expect me to be so involved and close to them now. And I really try to forgive them but it's hard because every time I think of the past, I get infuriated. I love them but the problem is that I feel uncomfortable showing it. That's how it is with all of my family members.
I dont expect an apology from anyone who has hurt me including my parents and im not looking for one. The only thing I want is to know how to be able to connect on a deeper level without the fear.
I agree with you about not trusting anyone until they give me a reason to invest my time. That's what ive been doing and I feel a lot safer. But I do want to have close friends and be a little closer to my family. But I dont know how or why I keep running away.