I'm in a pretty solid Catch-22. I isolate myself, because I know I'm a burden to people at best, and at worst I spread my negativity. Because I'm so isolated, it makes me more and more convinced that my thought process is correct - I have no examples to disprove it, after all. I don't feel like I have any right to speak up to the people I do interact with, that I can't say I want anything. Therefore, I get treated poorly, I get treated like a throw away, like I'm worthless, which also reinforces my self image.

I'm kind of venting. I don't see any way out of this. I can't forgive myself for hurting other people, and I take all the blame for everything, so I can't tolerate pushing against my boundaries. I just suck it up, until I snap.

I feel like a burden just posting this, because I'm laying this out there, stressing you out, and I can't take any advice, so you can't even help me. Do you understand now why I self isolate?