cashhart,

I've written letters to my pdoc of a similar type, though not so strongly worded that she would tell my wife to have me committed for my own safety. But how deeply I understand your despair and hopelessness. For what's it's worth, at least you can take medicine. I'm treatment resistant, so I'm really f****d. I haven't been on for awhile so I don't know your story. Perhaps a hospitalization would be beneficial, though maybe you've been down that route.

Everything that lives is programmed to survive. I'm still dealing with the death, two years ago, of a great friend, also afflicted with severe bipolar, from a heart attack at 59. If I could hear him, he'd tell me to carry on, persevere, balls to the wall and don't take bs from anyone. My dad was of that same character. Right now, I haven't slept much in the past three days and I feel like s**t. My mood is unstable and just a week ago, I seemed to be doing better. That's bipolar.

Yes, you have a husband and children and your mother. I'm married and my wife still doesn't understand my illness and I'm the only one who has my back. I agree with you: It gets tiring and exhausting and you just want to give up. Again, perhaps a few weeks in a good hospital, with no pressures and no stress, along with therapy, can let you catch your second wind. Like a boxer, going to your corner for a minute can give you a boost to get back in the ring. Don't give up. No; life isn't a rose garden, but neither is it a place of perpetual darkness and despair.