Thanks for the support guys. I do have a primary care physician but she knows nothing of my history (of course) and I don't particularly want to tell her. Going through the whole story all over again is exhausting and I get a mixture of 'she won't believe me/I am making it sound too bad/it isn't really that big a deal' feelings. There are no appropriate specialists here nor hospitals (they really only cater for alcoholism). The nearest appropriate centre is five hours' flight away and from past experience, when I get bad enough to need help it doesn't occur to me to ask. In the past it is my friends who have watched me and intervened when certain things happened. Even when I have attempted suicide, the only thing that kept me alive was the fortuitous intervention of my friends rather than my decision not to do it. So I guess that worries me and I guess that the fact that it worries me is a good thing - it means that there must be a little bit inside me that doesn't want to do this.

As for what I do, I am a litigation lawyer. Up here that means lots of workers compensation (mining accidents, etc) and medical negligence (the medical care up here is really pretty atrocious). The point is that it gives me something to keep me busy while I try to figure out how to live. It also means that absolutely no one in my working environment knows that I have problems eating. Where I came from everyone knew and were supportive or at least didn't say things like 'you're so skinny why don't eat you eat more', etc. I just feel so alone up here.

Anyway, I had better do some work!
Spebby