Patty, that is teh way I feel also. Maybe it comes with age. I am comfortable as I am doing as I want to do.

I do fear that I might still be carrying old emotions since my marriage broke up in 1995. I was definitely relieved when the ball finally dropped. We both knew it was a dying marriage. I tried everything to save it but he was the one to ask for the separation. I was actually relieved. However, since then, he has been a total jerk regarding the children. He has lied to them and accused me of awful things that the kids found out was his own doing. He was caught in his own lies.

I was not angry about the divorce, I was angry at his irresponsibility and the courts' laziness in collecting child support from him. He got away with it after the courts gave me the talk about not tolerating deadbeat dads and they didn't do a thing for me. Since then, I have felt vengeance toward him for how easy he gets away from responsibility.

I need to bury this vengeance and resentment. I am becoming childish like my ex. I can't keep this hate going or it will kill me and any faith in any men. I think I am reinforcing my own cynicism.

Ingrid