We don't get to control how tragedies make us feel.

I have a job that brings me in contact with violence, death, crime, and tragedy. In one case, it was a teenager who robbed a store and was shot and killed by the store owner in self-defense. It hit me so hard, harder than nearly anything I've encountered before or since.

For me, it was about remembering what it was like being a stupid teenager doing stupid teenager things, and grieving that this particular stupid teenager's stupid teenage decisions got him killed. "That could have been me" was what struck a nerve. "I could have done something that stupid and gotten killed." I was so sad for his family.

This hit close to home for you. You're seeing yourself in this person in some ways. You're seeing the fallout of what suicide does to a family.

You're going to get through it. It hurts, but it doesn't hurt forever. You are not this person. This person is no longer in the world. You are. You can make your own decisions. You've decided to be here.

Learn what you can from this, and let the hurt fade with time. It really will. Going for long walks and having some hot tea, and talking about how I was feeling, helped me.