I was just thinking IP would be better, but I still don't want to do it. I guess I'm the person with cancer that just realizes that they are going to die and there is nothing they can do about it. I still do get out and see my friends and work 30 hours a week, but it is exhausting.

I actually went to the doctor about my heart today, as it has been acting up and causing me to almost pass out and it has been hurting lately, and now they want me to be on a monitor and get an ultra sound on it. This is just another thing on top of the other crap I'm dealing with. Sometimes I hope that it is just enough to push my body over the edge so that I don't have to.

I might try another week just to get my heart tested and then I might as well go to IP.

My T today pushed (gently) partial, and after I told her I didn't want to she said she didn't have many choices because my plans are too detailed and she wants to know what to do with me. She is really concerned about me and I wish she wasn't.