Hi, I'm a 25yr old male who has recently become a father to beautiful little boy and has a supportive partner that through the ups and downs I either push her away and distance myself or become needy of her attention and support.

There is a history of suicide in my family and this makes the constant thoughts about suicide feel so much worse and the guilt for thinking about it. Being a new father and my father committing suicide along with my mothers father committing suicide. These feelings are horrible, I had a manic episode two months ago, where I felt invincible at my job and completely broke down on the Saturday, where I set out to break up with my partner an take custody of our little baby (even though that night I was talking to people i worked with about proposing to her). After following out these sequence of events, I waited at the front door on on one knee to say how sorry i was along with proposing.

At this point I knew I needed to take or attempt to control these highs and lows. I saw a doctor and he mentioned it could be bi-polar as through this manic phase I wasn't sleeping, buying things that i normally wouldn't and distancing myself from my partner, feeling invincible. I saw a psychologist that week and agreed that medication (I have thought that medication was something I needed for sometime as I didn't think it was healthy to be this up-down). Saw a psychiatrist who brushed over my symptoms and how I was feeling in 5 minutes and said you obviously have a history of mental illness in the family, but I see people far worse than you and it's hard to answer questions when your in a sort of hyper state as you have that sort of confident feeling.

I took a week off work to see the right people, and was openly honest with my employer to only be terminated from my job the following Monday a day before my 6mth probation period was up for no reason explained. I found out last week that the reason I was sacked was due to my manic phase people in the workplace thought I was using ICE/ METH and the
CEO of the hospital wanted to drug test me at work as it was so apparent I was using (NOTE: I have never smoked ICE or used it), however seeing as though I was still in my probational period, they terminated me.

Something I think I'm realising is that alcohol and drugs (illicit drugs) are not something to be mixing with our personality, thoughts anyone?

Nice to feel apart of something.