I don't have experience within your specific context, but I do know what it's like to avoid people / places of things that you don't want to be reminded of because it becomes too difficult. You're not comfortable seeing them whilst you try to figure this out and it's putting you in a difficult position. I wish I knew what the happy medium was to suggest; I'm not sure. I'm thinking somewhere neutral; or maintaining tabs with your mother on neutral grounds; going out for coffee; or somewhere where you won't find the visit confronting but your parents still know that you're out there, if this makes sense