I think that you should listen to your unease.
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often the moment I question him in any way, he completely shuts down. He has locked himself in the bathroom for hours, he has left for hours in the middle of a conversation and slept outside at night, all because of a small comment or question. So I feel like I am really walking on eggshells. An example would be him ignoring me for a few days because I made a bored face while he was talking about something important to him. Another would be him ignoring me for days because he saw me "look at another man". I have to literally beg on my knees and cry and sob and tell him how much I love him and how sorry I am for him to feel his love again. He threatens me with the end of our relationship during these times he feels slighted,
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I have put in bold face the behaviors that strike me as outright abusive or suggestive of serious mental illness. There is a lot of bold face.
In my opinion, he should see a psychiatrist. As I see it, therapy is definitely needed, which may or may not be successful. I expect however that he won't be willing to do that.
So I think you will need to ask yourself: do you want to commit to someone who is so paranoid that he irrationally accuses you of looking at other men and so heartless that he allows/demands that you utterly humiliate yourself to get back on his good side? Who gives you the silent treatment for days? For days! Who completely shuts down at the slightest hint of a disagreement? Who can't get along with people well enough to hold down a job? Who overreacts to any perceived slight?
Imagine what he will be like when you are married to him. Without treatment, I see him getting worse after marriage, not better.
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But it feels unhealthy to me to be afraid of saying or doing something wrong.
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This is absolutely correct.
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It's confusing because he tells me how committed he is to a healthy relationship and that he wants me to be able to talk to him -- I just don't find that to be true.
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When someone shows you who they are:
believe them.
My advice is this: Listen to your inner voice that is telling you to get away from him (unless he is willing to get treatment and actually improves dramatically) and save yourself from major heartache down the road.